Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
