Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
