The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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