Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Randomize
