Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
