Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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