i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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