It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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