I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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