Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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