Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
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he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
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Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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