You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
