remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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