So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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