y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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