his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
