I'm lost and stupid without you.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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