Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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