I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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