omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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