Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
