my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
