He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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