Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
