oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Randomize
