god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
