Pregnant stripper...not hot.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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