ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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