1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
that may or may not have been my penis.
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