guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Hippo gnu deer
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
