every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
