Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
