Whoa Z and x make the same sound
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
