I want to make a zoo with you.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
