I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
