Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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