time to smoke my breakfast
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
she pinky promised me she was 18
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
