My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
