I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
