Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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