Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
