She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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