You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize