God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
