My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Your penis caused this!
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
