We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
