some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
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