last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
