Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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