I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I will pee on everything he values.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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