it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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