Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
