this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
