I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Everclear isn't food dammit
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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