nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
