How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
