I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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