I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
