Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
