i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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