i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Randomize
