Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
