I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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