finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
