yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
