Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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