redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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