Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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