Tell her she can't have a vagina
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
