ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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