How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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