boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
