My brain says no but my pants say off.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
